A One-Eyed Dog and a Three Legged Pig

I took my dog to the Vet thinking that he was experiencing issues with his chronically bad back.  He didn't want to walk or eat which, with him,  was usually indicative of back pain.   So, we went off to the vet for what I thought would be a quick visit, and that we would leave with a prescription for steroids in hand, and after that he would improve quickly.

That's not quite how it went.

The vet was giving him a quick once over and seemed quite concerned about his eye.  It was a milky blue color, and to be honest, I hadn't really noticed the color change.  She took out some tools and was intently investigating every aspect of his eye.  In my head I'm thinking, "But, it's his back that is the problem."   She wasn't even looking at his back.   Then she said, "He seems to have a mass in his eye, and I think he needs to see an ophthalmologist to decide if the eye needs to be removed."   And I'm thinking, "Silly Vet, it's not his eye, it's his back."

Did she just say Mass?   Did she just say Ophthalmologist?   What was happening here?

I don't know why, but as she was talking to me about my dog's eye, a story about a three-legged pig that was my grandfather's favorite joke started to run on repeat in my head.   My grandfather died when I was twelve and he never had the chance to give me sage advice as a grown up, but he did tell me this joke:

A Man is driving by a farm and sees a three legged pig with a wooden leg walking through the fields. He finds this sight curious and stops to ask this farmer about his pig. The farmer tells him, "Well, you see, this here pig is a good pig. Just last spring he found me bucket loads of truffles in yonder woods. Made me a small fortune."

The man said, "That is a wonderful story, but it doesn't explain the wooden leg."

The Vet tells me that I need to take my dog to a nearby veterinary hospital as she doesn't have the necessary tools.  So, I drive the 45 minutes to the hospital where they tell me I am going to have to wait until the busy ophthalmologist can squeeze us in.   I call my husband and daughter to tell them where I am and what is going on to which they reply, "Wait. I thought it was his back?"   Then they both tell me that they are dropping everything and coming to the hospital.

The farmer tells the man "This here pig is a good pig.   This pig curls up every night with my little girl who is scared of the dark.   This here pig just snuggles right up with her and the two of them sleep soundly until the sun rises."

The man scratches his head.   "That is so sweet to hear.  But, it still doesn't explain the wooden leg."

We are in the waiting room for a good three or four hours.   In that time we realize just how much people love their pets.   People don't come to this hospital for routine check ups and immunizations.  They are here because their pet is either really hurt, or really ill.  We see a 150 lb man carrying in his 100 lb dog.  Holding him like a baby.  They both look so distressed.   A tech greets him and immediately starts petting the dog and talking in a soothing tone to them both.  You can see them both relax.   I comment to my husband that the people who work there are so kind and clearly love animals.  It is a much kinder place than a people hospital.   Clearly animals are easier to love than most people.   I mean they don't talk back, they can't be as demanding and they respond really well to a simple pat and a "Who's a good boy/girl?"    There is a mother/daughter pair who have brought in a very ill cat.  The cat seems like he's not going to last long.   The daughter is an adult but has Down syndrome and is very worried about the cat.   The mother looks at the cat in the cage who is struggling to breathe and knows that this isn't going to end well.   When the daughter leaves to go to the bathroom the mother whispers to me, "I don't know how she's going to deal with this.   She loves that cat."  My heart breaks for the mother, the daughter and the cat.    We see a couple leaving who have just put their dog down.   The man is big, bald and burly and has tattoos coming up his neck.  He is sobbing.   The sight of this man crying makes my daughter and I cry but we try not to let them see.   They can barely bring themselves to leave the hospital without their beloved dog.   My daughter hugs our dog more tightly.

The farmer tells the man, "This here is a good pig.  This pig always knows the best place in my fields to plant my crops.  Every year he just goes out there and and scratches where I should plant and I haven't had a failed crop yet.  Not since this here pig has been around."

At this point the man is getting kind of irritated.   "Well, sir, these are all wonderful stories and great examples of why your pig is such a good pig but it still doesn't tell me why he has a wooden leg."

"Well," says the farmer....

After a few hours, they finally take our dog to be examined by the ophthalmologist.    He's gone for a while.  I keep thinking about the tumor in his eye and the couple that just left without their dog.  Our dog is twelve years old.  He is not the healthiest dog.    He had surgery on his back six years ago that he almost didn't survive.   My husband and I agreed at that time that we wouldn't spend a lot more money on this dog.   He has had a good life, but it's one thing to spend money on a 6 year old dog, and another thing to spend a lot of money on a 12 year old dog.    Right?   Eventually, the ophthalmologist calls us in and explains that our dog's eye definitely needs to come out.  But, first we need to do extensive tests to see if the cancer has spread throughout the body.   If the cancer was everywhere, taking his eye out would not do him much good, and we would have to ponder a much more difficult decision.   Tears fill all our eyes.  We understand what he means.  They outline all the associated costs for us, the tests, the anesthesia, the medicines and the eye removal itself.  It is definitely over the budget of this 12 year old dog's life.   We stare at the screen.   The choice is clear.  We have a one-eyed dog or no dog at all.   But, first we need to find out if it's just the eye.

My husband and I don't even exchange words.   We tell the doctor to go ahead, "do all the tests", and we metaphorically hand him our credit card.    

"This here is a good pig.  He made me buckets of money finding truffles, he helps my daughter sleep every night, and he tells me where to plant my crops.  This here is a great pig!"

And then the farmer says, 

"You don't eat a pig like him all at once!"

Our dog endured many tests to see what the inside of his body looked like.  It wasn't perfect, but he was deemed healthy enough to have and endure the surgery.  We gave the doctors the green light, and his diseased eye was removed.   Luckily, they told us, it hadn't metastasized and he should have some good time left with us.  

Whew!  

After all, he's a very good dog.  He saved our daughter from a terrible fear of all animals.  He saved our other daughter when enduring an extremely difficult time in her life.   He gives us all love every day, whether we deserve it or not.  That there is a great dog.   You don't get rid of a dog like him all at once.

Thanks for the sage advice Grandpa, even if it was a joke.

Now excuse me while I go eat some bacon and pet my one eyed dog.