A Tale of Two Trees

When our oldest daughter was four she asked for a pink tree for her birthday.
We thought this was an adorable request for such a small child to make, so we obliged.
We took her to a local nursery and let her pick out a small, flowering weeping cherry tree that was full of little pink flowers.  She was delighted.

When we got home we let our four year old choose exactly where she wanted her pink tree to be planted.   She roamed the front yard for a while and then at a certain point she stuck her feet firmly in the ground and with a voice full of certainty she shouted, "Here!  This is the spot"

So, we dug a hole deep enough, threw some top soil in and called it a day.

I'd like to say we gave that tree a lot of tender loving care, but at the time we had a four year old and a two year old and we had other priorities.   Every now and then we would remember to water it when we saw the leaves starting to wilt.   Every year we would throw some top soil it's way if there was leftovers from gardening elsewhere in the yard.   And, if weeds were crowding it's trunk from time to time we would pull them.  Sometimes.

Not to say the tree didn't thrive.   Despite our neglect the tree thrived beautifully.   Every spring she (I like to give it that pronoun, although it hasn't stated a gender preference) gave us a canopy of beautiful pink buds.    She was the backdrop for every first day of school picture and she grew with the kids, first a sapling with a weak trunk, then a young tree that's trunk would still sway in the breeze, and finally a sturdy tree that could withstand any storm.   She was the centerpiece to our daughter's six year old fairy party.   Fairies lived in her for years and would sometimes leave notes for our daughters and they would write back.   Sometimes my daughter, the one who requested her, would stare dreamily out the window when she was in full bloom and just exclaim "I just love my pink tree!"  She did this at 6, 8, 10, and maybe even at 22.

This is not an obituary.  The pink tree is still doing fine and well.

However, a few years ago when a delivery truck came to our house and almost hit a electric wire running to our house, I suddenly looked up and realized that the tree was about to grow into the electric wire as well.  Oh No!   So, that year we had to prune her considerably to make sure she didn't interfere with the power.   How on earth did we never think to look up when we planted the tree?  That line had always been there.   Why didn't we think to look up?

So now we keep a watchful eye on the tree.   We make sure she is safe from the wires and now she grows wide instead of tall, but she still thrives despite our neglect and our obliviousness.  

In fact, unlike the famous tree in the book, "The Giving Tree" none of us have asked anything of her other than shade she naturally provides and the joy her pretty flowers give to us every spring.   The kids have moved out and she keeps growing and thriving and is a welcome site to them when they come home.   No one has ever asked for a branch, a trunk, or even a leaf from her.   Even her flowers are hers to keep until the wind or rain forces them from her branches to the ground below.  The girl who requested her all those years ago will even ask for pictures of her in full bloom when she is not home to see the "show".     In our opinion, she is simply the best giving tree ever.

But, this is not the end of my story.

This past weekend we planted a new tree in our yard.   My husband and I literally walked all over our yard looking for the ideal place to plant it.   We looked up and around and for shade and for sun.
"It won't thrive here!" one of us would say, "too shady", "too sunny", "it will block the windows", "it will break up the yard".

It was an exhausting process but we finally agreed on a place after squabbling over "a little to the left, a little to the right".   But before we put a spade in the earth we looked up, down and sideways to make sure it was the perfect place for it.   Once the hole was dug we turned the tree around and around to make sure the best side was facing the street and that the branches would grow to offer shade in just the right places.    I've been diligently watering it every day.

But despite the fact that this tree will surely be tended to fastidiously by an empty nester couple eager to nurture, I wonder if it will thrive as well as the other tree that was just plopped into the earth one day by a four year old girl with no clue, who had parents who were too busy to water her or look up at the dangers looming ahead.

But she grew beautifully despite all this, because a girl loved the tree.....

And the tree was happy.

Keep an Open Mind

If you asked me to name 3 adjectives to describe myself I'm fairly certain "open-minded" would be one of them.

I really don't care what color your skin is, what shape your eyes are, what God you believe in (or don't don't believe in), who you marry or sleep with, what you keep in your uterus (or what you don't keep in there) or what your genitals are in relation to your gender identification.   It's all good as long as you are a "good" person.

Recently a friend that I've known for over 20 years asked me to be open-minded about something that was so opposite of my own beliefs it challenged me to the core.

How can I say I'm open-minded if I'm only open to ideas that are similar to my own?

So I gave it some serious thought.   I mean some really serious thought.

I don't care if you are gay.
I don't care if you are trans.
I don't care if you are black.
I don't care if you are muslim.
I really don't care.

But, what if you are a white, Christian heterosexual with beliefs that challenge these other beliefs?
Do I care then?

The aforementioned friend sent me a video this morning of a white pastor asking his community to be open-minded in both directions.   He asked them to be open and accepting to communities that were different than their own and asked those communities for the same favor in return.   "Please allow us to be and think this way." he basically said.

I pondered this.

Perhaps I should.   Perhaps I should just let everyone think the way they want to.  Live and let live.

I asked my husband, "Am I truly being open-minded if I am closed off to ideas that don't align with my own".

In one line, my smart, insightful husband summed it up perfectly for me, he said something like, "There is a difference between being open to different ideas that are inclusive in nature, versus exclusive in nature."

And in that one sentence he summed up the core of my beliefs.

Open your hearts and your doors.

Open them to everyone.

Let in the people that are gay, trans, black, muslim but also those that are white, straight and Christian.   Everyone should have a place at the table.  Let them all into your "house".   Let them all into your heart.   Turn to them all and say, "Hello friend, you are welcome here."
Let there be discussion and a sharing of ideas.   Listen to each other.   Absorb new ideas and thoughts.  Do not be fearful or afraid of ideas that are different.  Thank each other for expanding your horizons.  Say things like "I never thought of it that way before."   Smile at each other.  Love each other.

But, here's the thing.

As soon as you shut the door on any one group, your request for anyone else to keep an open mind is denied.
It's that simple.
You do not have the right to say, "Understand my perspective" if you are not truly doing the same.

It really is that simple.

Note:  This blog was not written to make anyone feel bad about their beliefs, but instead, for all of us to question whether our doors and hearts are truly open.