Racism has many shades of grey (maybe 50? ha,ha ) Many things that people say are really just idiotic, and not racist at all. For example, when people came up to me and asked if my daughter was adopted, I really don't think those people were racist, they were just insensitive nincompoops. In fact, most of those people had a little Asian person in their lives(that their daughter, sister, aunt had adopted) that they loved very much. They would probably be mortified if they knew how much their comments hurt me. I think racism, and hatred in general, is more about intention. If a girl says, "All Asian men are ugly dorks that no one wants to date!" It is intentionally mean and therefore, racist. Unless said girl is talking about her brother. Then, it is just an ugly sibling spat that will probably result in the girl spending some "thinking" time alone in her room. Another category of seemingly racist people to be considered is the "blissfully ignorant". There are some people who say things with such complete naivety that you just can't be mad or hurt. I usually put old people and children in this category. Children say things out of curiosity, such as "Why are your eyes like that?" or "Do you eat lo mein every night?" There is no malice in these questions at all. They are just figuring out their world and want some answers. I have always seen these as teaching moments and I try to answer kids as honestly and kindly as possible, so they will go out into the world a little more enlightened. There are also old people. There was a time when it was considered okay to call Asian people "Oriental". And, they don't always get the memo about what is the currently politically correct term so they slip and say things like "Oriental" or "Negro" or "Indian" (referring to a Native Americans). They grew up in a different time, with different values, and sometimes it doesn't seem worth the trouble to correct them. Does it? Of course, there are some really mean, totally racist old people too, but that's a different story.
I am hoping to have an on-going series of posts on this blog called, "Racist, Idiotic, or Blissfully Ignorant?" where situations in these grey areas can be discussed. I even hope people will offer some of their own experiences. It's not going to solve any big world issues, but it might give some interesting food for thought.
For my first, "Racist, Idiotic, or blissfully ignorant?" post, I would like to discuss an episode that happened to dd2 (dear daughter 2, for those of you who know my family, I am trying to keep real names out of this blog, thank you) just yesterday. She was in her 8th grade science class and was having fun doing an experiment with a friend. A boy was working with them. The girls were discussing the fact that they both wanted to be doctors when they grew up. The boy looked at them and said to the first girl (who happened to be caucasian), "I can't see you as a doctor, you are too stupid."(ouch!) Then he turned to my daughter and said, "I guess I could see you as a doctor, after all, you are Asian." My daughter was mildly upset by this incident. I think she would have preferred him to say, "I guess I could see you as a doctor, after all, you are smart." Clearly, from what he said to the first girl, this kid is a jerk. But, is he also a racist? This certainly doesn't fit into the blissfully ignorant category. Or does it?
Hmmm, I think that 8th-grade boy is an idiot, plus I also think that he is parroting what he hears at home. No "bliss" involved here.
ReplyDeleteAnd another thing: Why in the world do people feel the need to approach other people and ask them if their kids are adopted or what? It's NONE of anybody else's business. I would never think of asking about a stranger's family status, bodily status (i.e., "Are you pregnant?"), or anything else. Let me tell you, I had more than a few people, when my blond/blue-eyed son was little, come up and ask if 1)he was adopted, or 2)if I was the nanny. WTF?! People are nosy.
As you mention, race is not the only thing to bring stupidity out in people. I am always amazed what people are willing to say to a complete stranger. I, for one, never ask a woman if she is pregnant, even if I can see the outline of a hand sticking through her abdomen.
DeleteI wonder if it's possible to draw a distinction between racism born out of thoughtlessness and ignorance vs. racism that includes fear and/or anger. This 8th-grade numbskull seems clearly racist, but my guess is that he thought his comment to DD2 was either a compliment or neutral, rather than derogatory. Not saying that it should be excused, but maybe less heinous?
ReplyDeleteIn any case, he's an idiot!
I now know why I am still a single Asian man.
ReplyDeleteMy sister did not say that, but Hollywood is sending that message.
Deletemaybe you just need some Gangnam Style!
DeleteHaha. I will practice it with Jolly.
DeleteMaybe the 8th grader equals being Asian to being smart.
ReplyDeleteI think that it implied. But, that is kind of my question. If a "racist" remark is not intended to be hurtful is it still racist?
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