Real Girls

Everyone has prejudices.   Yes, even me, even you.   I'm not even talking about racism here, just some basic "He's too fat" ,"She's too loud", "She doesn't exercise enough", "He shops at <insert generic chain store>" kind of stuff.   We walk around with this all the time but every now and then it slaps us in the face and we have to deal with it.

On Friday night I was at home with dd1 while dd2 went to the local high school football game.   During the game, dd1 was checking her social media apps fairly frequently to get updated on scores, etc.  At one point she came over to me to show me a picture.   It was a picture of a football player in the foreground with a cheerleader, pom poms up, in the background.   Seems pretty ordinary, right?  It actually wasn't because that particular football player was a girl, who earned herself a spot on the team. The caption to the photo was "Who's the real girl here?"   The response was all in favor of the football playing girl, who is greatly admired at the school for her athletic ability and her tenacity.   There were even several slightly derogatory comments about the cheerleader.   DD1 and I laughed and agreed wholeheartedly with most of the comments.   How great was it that a girl was playing football?   It gave me a warm fuzzy feeling.  Go Girl power!

A couple hours later, my younger daughter came home from the game.  She had a great time (this was her first game as an official high school student) and was brimming with excitement.   Then, quite unexpectedly, she burst out with, "I think next year I might want to try out for cheerleading!"

What?

Did she really just say what I think she did?

But, didn't we just decide that "real girls" play football, and don't just stand on the sidelines and cheer?

I have to admit I was dumbstruck.  I couldn't think of anything to say good or bad.   I just kind of stood there.    My sudden muteness didn't phase dd2 and she merrily went up to bed.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am not a girly girl.  Before I had kids, I imagined myself with a houseful of rough and tumble boys playing football in the living room.   Of course, the universe doesn't work that way and the powers that be blessed me with two of the most delightfully feminine girls that one could have.   I couldn't love them more.   We have lived with a pink cotton candy-like aura for the past 16 years and I wouldn't have it any other way.   When they were first born I thought I could raise them as little pony tail sporting, jockish feminists who wouldn't take "girls don't do that" for an answer.   It turned out they were not athletically inclined.   From such an early age, no matter how hard I tried, their world was about sparkles, fairies, and the aforementioned PINK!  Eventually, I succumbed to it but have always managed to keep female objectification activities like beauty pageants and cheerleading off their glitter encrusted radar.   Until now.

What do I do?

I've always tried to be the parent that supports the girls in whatever activities they want to pursue.   Is cheerleading so inherently evil that I need to put the Kibosh on it?   Do I say, "No!  I won't let you!"

I gave it some thought over the weekend and came to the most startling conclusion.   I thought about how great it was that a girl was playing for the high school football team.   Then, I thought about the reverse of that, a boy cheerleader.    I know myself well enough to know that if I had a son, who was sensitive and feminine, and desperately wanted to be a cheerleader, I would fully support him, even encourage him.   I know that I would be the kind of parent who would enjoy walking into the athletic director's office and insisting that he let my son be a cheerleader and there better not be any bullying!

So, why could I do this for my non-existant, totally fabulous son but not for my very real daughter?
It's strange when you realize that your own uber "liberal" thinking has put you in a rather awkward spot.

I know I need to support her, just like I would support the fictional, possibly gay, but also possibly straight "him".    If she wants to cheer, so be it.   I'll even go to the games and watch.

As I sit here I can't help but think of that picture again, the one captioned, "Who's the real girl?"

Truth is, they are BOTH real girls.  Nothing less.  They are both on the field, both twisting and turning their bodies in support of their team, and in support of their school.   They are both pursuing their dreams, whether they are non-conformist or cliche, whether supported or.......not.

Isn't a feminist just someone who doesn't let their gender define them?   Isn't a feminist someone who pursues what she wants even if others, including overly liberal, non-conformist, but well-meaning mothers, think that a "real girl" is defined another way.    Isn't a feminist someone who doesn't take "girls don't do that!" for an answer.   Even when "that" happens to be cheerleading?

Hmmmmmmm

All I can say is,

Go Team!

Note:   After reading this after school today dd2 wanted me to add that she had told her friends at the game that she wanted to play football and they all laughed at her and told her she would get completely crushed.  Thus, the new cheerleading dream was born.