There are two sides to every coin.
Racism stinks. People say mean, hurtful things all the time and after a while it can really have an impact on your ego.
But, there are also those times, when the color of your skin gives you certain advantages.
When the girls were little there was a Chinese restaurant down the street from us. We were regulars. I could not believe how friendly the owners were. We were treated like royalty every time we walked into the establishment. The service was always fantastic, our favorite dishes were always available (even if they weren’t on that week’s menu), and at the end of the meal there were always extra fortune cookies. When we walked into the place, I felt a little like “Norm” from Cheers.
One day I decided to take a group of friends there, to show them how great it was, and maybe to show off how well they treated me. When we walked in, the hostess I knew so well from our family visits just stood there like she didn’t know me at all. I gave her a big smile and a familiar “Hi!” and she replied, “How many?”
Wait. Was this the right place? Was this the same woman who pinched my daughters’ rosy cheeks? Or, was this her evil twin?
“4” I said suspiciously.
She nonchalantly showed us to our table and gave us our menus. The restaurant wasn’t that busy but it took a while for our server to come to our table. I knew the server. He made silly faces at my girls, and put tiny umbrellas in their water glasses. “What would you like?” he asked, without a hint of recognition in his voice or his expression.
“How about the Chinese Broccoli with oyster sauce?” I asked, it was one of my favorites.
“I’m sorry ma’am, that item is not on the menu.” he answered, in an uncustomary formal fashion.
Really?
The rest of our lunch was unremarkable. The food was okay but the lackluster service kind of ruined things for me.
That night I asked my husband if we had done something to upset them, like maybe not tip them enough. He shrugged his head and said, “I don’t think so.”
Shortly after that we visited as a family again. I was a little nervous, and told my kids to not expect the kind of treatment they were used to, but I had nothing to worry about - we were “Norm” at Cheers again. The girls were given umbrellas in their water, and my favorite Chinese broccoli in Oyster sauce was suddenly available again.
Had I been on a trip to the Twilight Zone?
Over the next couple of years, I kind of figured things out. When I was with my Asian family, we were absolutely given preferential treatment. When I was alone, or with other white friends, I was nothing special.
This restaurant is not unique. I know that when we go to Asian restaurants, especially Korean ones, we receive certain perks. I’m sure it is the same for any ethnic restaurant.
It is a kind of reverse racism, I guess. I could get angry. I could get upset. Or, I could get my Chinese broccoli in Oyster sauce and enjoy it.
These stories are great! I shared the link with a co-worker who has had similar experiences.
ReplyDeleteKeep 'em coming! :-)
I was just thinking about your restaurant story some more. Especially after going to our favorite Indian restaurant and getting the usual royal treatment as regulars who are decidedly white. I remember when my oldest was a baby and we frequented the same Chinese restaurant once a week. They loved us and they doted on my son. Nothing was too good for him. We usually went to eat at random times, so they were never busy, and waiters from other stations would come over to visit the baby. My point is: perhaps it was a baby/child thing? Is it racist to say: I have never had the same attention and affection shown my children at "American" restaurants, like, say, Chilis... ? I don't personally think so...
ReplyDeleteI think that if you are a regular you might get preferential treatment anywhere. And, I think cute kids do get extra attention wherever they go, especially if they aren't screaming, which a lot of kids seem to like to do in restaurants. I do think, and this is true of any ethnicity, that you get better service if you belong to that specific ethnic group, even if it is your first visit to the establishment. I don't think that Chili's is a good example because you have so many people, from so many backgrounds working there. But, I bet if you went to a Polish restaurant, and you were Polish (and, therefore, caucasian) you would be given the royal treatment. BTW, I hope when you say "American" you do not mean white. There are many families, of many races who go to Chili's, most of whom are "American". I'm not sure I understand what you were implying there. Taking the race thing out of it, I will say, that if you went to an American restaurant in Budapest that had an American owner, I would not be at all surprised if you were given special treatment. The owner might even come out to catch up on football, basketball, etc. from back home. So, I think your analogy needs some work.
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