Sure. I met some cool people and had some good times but the overall experience was not a positive one. When I was younger I blamed it on the institution I attended, but as I become older and wiser I realize that the person I was at the time probably had a lot to do with it too. Basically, I had a lot of growing up to do.
Sometimes people ask me if I regret going to a college that I did not enjoy, and I always answer "No!" without hesitation. Even if I could go back in time and change every single thing, I wouldn't.
I think I was already unhappy at college by the end of my first semester freshman year. I looked into transferring but it was complicated by my big dream of spending some time abroad my junior year. Most colleges required that their transfer students spend at least 6 semesters on campus. This meant I could not transfer and study abroad. I decided to stay put. I made some good friends and muddled through to my junior year. Then I went to Vienna and my life changed. I loved being in Europe and being up close and personal with history, art, and amazing architecture. I made some really good friends there too. They were all Americans from other colleges in the U.S. but we were all kindred spirits who loved to explore the world.
When I came back to the states, and went back to my college, I knew I could tough it out for one more year, and I did. After graduation I moved to NYC. I ended up getting a job with a
high school international exchange organization. It was here that I met some truly awesome people, that to this day are some of my favorite people in the world. You know who you are. After I had lived in NYC for a couple of years one of my fellow classmates from Vienna came for a visit. He introduced me to a high school friend of his who lived in the city. That friend became my husband.
After my husband and I were married, we moved to the Boston area and had two daughters that we love to the moon and back.
We have made a lovely life for ourselves in a suburb. We even have a dog.
Time has passed and currently I am standing on the sidelines as my senior daughter and her classmates choose where they will spend the next chapter of their lives. Some of them have already been disappointed as they haven't been admitted to the school of their dreams. Money is heavily weighting the decision for others. Others are coming to the sad realization that maybe they should have spent more time studying the past four years and less time texting/hanging out with their friends. In the end, they will all do something next year. Maybe they'll be at the school of their dreams, maybe not. Maybe they will take a year off to figure things out. Maybe they won't go to school at all.
There is a moment I can remember quite clearly from when I was a sophomore in college. I was sitting on the grass on the quad on a sunny day casually looking at two brochures for two different study abroad programs. I chose to go to Vienna because I liked the brochure better. There was probably a photo of a piece of Sacher Torte. In any case, it was that superficial. Yet, that split second decision may have had more impact on my life than any other decision I have ever made. If I hadn't gone to Vienna, I wouldn't have met the friend that introduced me to my husband, who helped me create the incredible family I have now. He even paid for the dog.
So no, I wouldn't change a thing. I would be unhappy at college all over again for what I have now.
At 48 years old I realize that being unhappy or making a bad decision is not the end of the story. Being unhappy is a question mark. What are you going to do now? Choosing where to go to college/ or where not to go to college is not the final decision of your life. You get to keep making choices, and sometimes it's the ones that seem the most benign that have the most impact.
What I wish for my daughter and her classmates is not the perfect decision. What I wish for them is to keep making choices, get to almost 50 years old, look back at their lives and say,
"Yeah. I made some good and some stupid decisions, and maybe went astray a bit, but it all led me to where I am today and this is a damn good place!"
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