Advice about advice. (college drop-off version)

In the coming weeks there will be a Diaspora of sorts where children leave their childhood homes and head to college to embark on a new chapter of their lives.

These children will be filled with hope and excitement, and possibly a teaspoonful of anxiety.

The parents will be distraught.

Thoughts will run through their minds like "How did this happen?"  "Wasn't he just a baby?"  "Didn't she just cling to my leg when I tried to drop her off at pre-school?"

These parents will browse the internet looking, searching for advice about how to make this transition smoother.

So, I am here to give you advice about taking advice about dropping off your child at college.   It's really very simple.

Don't take it.

Remember when this very child was a newborn baby and you bought all those childrearing books (because the internet wasn't invented yet) by Dr. Spock and Dr. Brazelton?   You tried laying your baby on it's side or on it's back because that's what the experts said would prevent SIDS?   You tried sleep training by letting your baby cry it out and learn to self-sooth?   And, even though your nipples were swollen and cracked and you suffered mastitis, you continued to breast feed because the experts said "Breast is best".

Then, do you remember the day you realized that your baby would only fall asleep sitting in his car seat, on top of a rumbling dryer,  listening to AC/DC, sucking down a bottle of formula purchased at CVS and you said to yourself, "Screw the experts, this works!"

And from that moment forward you let the books collect dust and you did what worked for YOUR baby.

Well, it's time to do that again.

Everyone has their own idea about how your child will have a successful transition to college life, and even how YOU will transition well to this new stage of life.

But, it's not that simple.

Everyone adjusts differently, and some don't adjust at all.

When my oldest daughter went off to college I read something about how children who go to college close by shouldn't come home all the time so they can adjust.   So, we told her that we didn't want her home for a month.   Well, little did we know that three weeks into the school year, her college had a four day weekend that everyone on campus went home for.......except for her.     "You told me that I couldn't come home for a month" she told us (always the rule abiding, literal child), so she stayed alone on campus all weekend.

So dumb.

When our youngest daughter went to college and was completely miserable for a variety of reasons, the experts said, "make her stick it out.  Life isn't always easy."   We tried that for a while and you know what?  It didn't work.   So after an awful first semester of trying everything possible to "make it work" she decided to come home and take the second semester off.   And you know what?   The world didn't end.  In fact, she got a job, transferred to another school and is a whole lot happier.
There was absolutely no reason for her to be unhappy for four years.   No matter what the experts say.

These so-called experts had a lot of advice for me too, as a parent who was sending their child off into the world,

"Spend a lot of money at Bed, Bath and Beyond to give her the perfect dorm room."
"Leave her a lovely letter on her dorm pillow before you leave telling her just how proud you are of her."
"Don't let them see you cry when you drop them off."
"Don't text or call her, let her text you first"
"Don't let them come home too quickly, they need to adjust"
"Send a care package full of Pinterest worthy items as soon as you return from dropping them off with another lovely letter."
"Definitely do not sit on the couch with a bowl of ice-cream (or the whole gallon) and watch old home movies and cry."
"Find a new hobby, maybe tree planting"

Now I will refrain from giving you advice about these things, because I have clearly told you not to follow any advice but I will tell you my experience.

Kids don't do laundry at college so expensive linens are a mistake.  They will need to be burned at the end of the school year.
Who has time to write a letter when you are trying to pack a kid and 18 years of belongings into the back of a mini-SUV?
Crying happens.
Texting happens. (especially in the middle of the night when you suddenly need to know, right now, that your child is still alive)
Screw Pinterest and care packages.   Paying tuition is the ultimate care package.
Ice cream is awesome and as previously stated, crying happens.
Tree planting can actually be quite rewarding and good for the environment.

In closing I will try my best to not give advice.
Remember that somehow your child will find their new version of comforting themselves just like they did as a baby listening to AC/DC, while sitting on a dryer, sucking on a bottle.   Actually, maybe that is exactly what they will do ;)
And all will be well.

Good Luck to all!